Imagine an actor at rehearsal.  In the scene, he is standing in the middle of the stage practicing his monologue.  A fellow actor comes up to him and gives him advice on the best way to do his monologue if he wants to do a good job.  After the person walks away another fellow actor approached him, and tells the actor that their way is the best.  Mind you, each suggestion given to the actor is completely different from the other.  Though, the suggestions are not bad, it’s not the way the actor would do the scene.  In fact, the actor is very good. He believes in the play and understands the character’s motivation.  He just lacks confidence and self-esteem.  Because of this lack, he starts questioning himself when given the acting critiques.  Therefore, he puts aside his beliefs, style and interpretation and tries to incorporate both suggestions into his performance.

Opening night comes and it’s time for the actor’s monologue.  While he is performing, he is trying to incorporate the advice given him.   Everything they said is swirling around in his head, making him second-guess himself.  He allows his doubt to block his true talent, and it manifest in his performance.  He doesn’t reach the audience. He flops.  He now sees himself as a failure.  When he has to act again, he questions his ability, and he starts becoming afraid to act until he stops completely.

Now image the same scenario.  When the two people give him their advice on how to act, he still listens, only this time he accepts the suggestions he thinks will enhance his performance. He has the confidence in his ability and talent.  When he is on the stage for his monologue, his passion for acting, the play and the character he is playing comes out and touches the audience.  They feel it and respond with thunderous applause.

Which scenario matches the events in your life?

In the first scenario, the actor allows others to undermine his belief in his ability.  He accepted their truth over his truth. He also accepted what happen as a failure, instead of seeing it as a learning experience.  He could have let this teach him to trust his talent, passion and innate abilities. And see the “failure” as a way to improve and grow.

Do you find yourself doing this?  When something goes wrong, when you “fail” do you beat yourself up, or you blame someone else?  Or do you view it as a learning experience, and ask “How can I do this different next time, so I can succeed?”

The reason we make mistakes is so we can learn and improve.

In the second scenario the actor listen to the others, but when he went on stage he did what felt right for him.  He heard the words that were true for him.  He saw himself as the character and his joy for acting radiated from him.  That joyful energy reached the audience.  If he “failed” he would have looked at the error as an opportunity to grow, and improve. Instead of being afraid to act again, he would be looking forward to act so he can put into practice his new learning. 

When something doesn’t work out like you have planned, do you start to beat yourself up?  Do you hear yourself say

I’ve failed
I am no good
I can’t do anything right.

Then

STOP

And instead ask,” What did work, and what can I improve?”

Give yourself credit for what went right – focus on the success.  If you can’t do that, then start with giving yourself kudos for trying.  But count your success and change what you don’t like.

Remember – the only person who can give you confidence is YOU.

To your success,

Diana

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In the past, I was unhappy, so I decided to improve my life.  I intuitively knew I had low confidence and self-esteem, and wanted to improve these.  I just didn’t know how.  I went online to Amazon.com and typed in confidence and self-esteem and thousands of books came up.  I didn’t know which books would work for me. I was confused and overwhelmed, and did what I always did when I got into this state.  I rationalized, complained, procrastinated, and talked myself out of my desire to change. Until…

I found the show, Starting Over.  It was about a group of women living in a house, learning how to make life changes, by two Life Coaches.  One of the women named Andy, was upset with an assignment her life coach, Rhonda Britten, had given her.  I don’t remember what she said, or the details; I just understood how Andy felt.  I identified with her.  I felt her pain, because it was my pain. I heard her frustration, because it was my frustration. I saw her anger, because it was my anger.  I felt her hopelessness. In my mind’s eye I envisioned the wall she had built around herself, because I had the same type of wall surrounding me.  I identified with her.  I saw the unhappy me portrayed in this daytime TV show. 

I was hooked. I wanted to learn how to change my life.  When Rhonda spoke to Andy, I felt she was talking to me.  There were other women in the house that I identified with, but not as strong as with Andy. 

Then Rhonda told her story.  She had seen her father shoot her mother and then shoot himself in front of her. Leaving her as a witness to her parent’s murder/suicide at 14!  Boy did my problems feel insignificant!

But they were my problems, therefore, real and significant. My problems were preventing me from having the life I wanted: A joyful and happy life. 

I decided to buy Rhonda’s book Change Your Life In 30 Days, and it did.  It allowed me to get in touch with the “real” me.    I then bought Fearless Living, Rhonda’s first book.  That book was powerful for me, because I got in touch with my fear.  Fear that ran my life, and prevented me from living a joyful life.  The insights, the lessons, and personal growth I received from reading those two books propelled me on my journey toward personal growth.  One of the biggest revelations I had, I discovered I had surrounded myself with people like me. Who were unhappy with life, and just existing day to day. 

Rhonda Britten was my first step to building my confidence, self-esteem, and living my life.  I have read books by several authors, attended workshops, learned exciting techniques, and have been coach.  Like a baby learning to walk, at first I was wobbly, taking tiny steps, but each day I practice the tools I had learned until one day I discover I could run!

I will share a valuable lesson I learned. You can learn all you want, but unless you integrate, by putting it into practice, it’s just another learning that will be put back on the shelf.

Another person who has been very influential in my personal growth is Jack Canfield.  When I first heard Jack talk about his childhood, I understood his childhood, because it was very similar to mine.

Here is another lesson I will share with you. when you get these recognitions, ACT.  I’ve discovered that it’s the Universe, God, or whatever higher power you believe in, telling you to pay attention, it’s time to change.  To go for what you have been asking for.

I had been asking for a happier life.  I was tired of feeling unhappy, stressed, lonely and just plain miserable.  I complained and whined about it, but didn’t make much effort to do anything about it.  Oh, I had excuses.  I had no time. I didn’t know what to do.  No one cared about me.   I could go on and on.  Now looking back, I see the universe was presenting me opportunities and not problems.   I was just to steep in my misery to see.  Until, one day I paid attention.  And decided to START OVER.  I am so grateful for that show, and how it helped me, help myself.

I had decided to work on my self-confidence first, then my self-esteem.  To my surprise, as my confidence grew, so did my self-esteem! 

Now thanks to Rhonda Britten, Jack Canfield, Wayne Dyer, Deepak Choppa, Kevin Hogan and others.  I have a bag filled with wonderful tools that I can use when I find myself, falling back into bad habits.  I would like to share these tools with you.

That is why I’ve created the Confidence Study Group.

This won’t be like a typical study group, where everyone gets together to discuss a book.  This club will provide proven tips, tools and tactics to build confidence and self-esteem.

Are You Willing To Follow A Study Group To Build Confidence?

If you want to learn more, go to www.theconfidencestudygroup.com

Together we will grow, and support each other through our confidence-building journey.

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Here is a question I received asking me how they would know if their self-confidence was improving.

Do you have a clear vision on what it feels, sound and looks like to be self-confident?  What is your definition for self-confidence?

Here is a little exercise. Take of a piece of paper and make 2 columns.  Label one column: Confidence Qualities.  In this column you will list all the qualities you think a self-confident person would possess. Label the other column: My Confidence Qualities. In this column you will rate all your self-confidence qualities. 

Now close your eyes and slowly take a deep breath, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth.  Do this 3 times. As you take in a breath, imagine a stream of white light coming from above and entering through the top of you head, washing through your body.  As the stream of light enters you, and you connect to the light, open your heart, and ask for divine guidance. When you are ready open your eyes, and without thinking write, in the column labeled: Confidence Qualities, all the qualities that make a person confident.  What a confident person looks, sounds and feels like.  How would they walk? What would they say? How do they feel?  What makes you think this person has confidence? There is no right or wrong.  Write everything in the column.

Now repeat the breathing exercise.   When you open you eyes, go down each item you wrote for the confident person, and rate each quality using a scale from 1 to 10 (1 meaning you don’t possess the quality, to 10 meaning you have mastered the quality). Place your number in the column labeled: My Confidence Qualities.  Also write any additional qualities that you possess, but didn’t list in the first column.

Now look at your ratings, and any rating with an eight or higher cross off the list.  Ratings with 7 or lower will indicate where you want to make improvements.  By doing this exercise you will now have a clear picture of what you already possess, and what to improve on. You’ll find God, the universe or whatever higher power you believe in, if you don’t believe, then your higher self, will start providing it.  You’ll become tuned in.  And the tools will start presenting themselves to you.

I would be interested on what you discover after completing the exercise.  Feel free to submit a comment and let me know how you did.

To Your Success
Diana Vento
Make Life Changes

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A great way to boost your confidence and self-esteem is to keep a journal.

A journal is a wonderful tool to remind you how good you really are. What you have to be thankful for and pleased about in your life right now.

You can record your thoughts using a notebook, your computer, or record it.  Just so it’s in a place you can easily refer to.

The goal is to write in your journal daily. For now, start by taking 10 minutes, once a week for the next month and write what you are grateful for and acknowledge any small successes.

Remember, making excuses only hurts you, so make a commitment to start today.

Can’t think of what to write?  You can begin by answering the following questions below. Sit down and write your thoughts to:

1. What do I have to be grateful for in my life right now?
2. What am I happy or excited about in my life right now?
3. Why am I happy about these things?
4. What did I accomplish last week?
5. Who do I love and appreciate in my life?
6. Who do I like spending time with?
7. Who loves and appreciates me for who I am?

Answer these questions at the start of each week and it will set you up for success. And it will remind you of what you have that is good, in your life right now.
 

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Hello Everyone!

I hope you had a wonderful summer! Summer, for me, is the season of fun, with the longer days, and warmer weather. It’s a time to visit, travel and just enjoy yourself. Even the daily traffic is less.

This weekend we change into a new season, Fall. This is my favorite season. Where I live, here in the East, Fall means the promise of colorful foliage, sunny days and crisp nights. Even though the weather isn’t co-operating right now, with the high 80’s summer like temperatures, I know it will come.

It doesn’t matter where you live to experience the season changes. Even if you live in a climate that’s the same all year round, you can still notice the season change. You can notice it by the holidays we celebrate, the children going back to school, or even the increase in traffic.

What else can a season change give us besides changed weather patterns?

It can give us a new perspective. When a season comes to an end I always reflect on the last 3 months and ask myself “What changes did I make towards my goal of increased confidence?” “What behaviors didn’t I change?” “What am I willing to change?”

As the trees drop their leaves, you too can drop your old habits, and beliefs. Answer the question “What am I willing to change?” and take these next three months to do it. A long time ago someone told me it takes 21 consecutive days to change a habit, and 3 months to get rid of it completely. Here’s your opportunity to take advantage of this changing season by changing a habit.

The great thing is that we don’t have to change everything about ourselves all at once. Take the elephant approach. How do you eat an elephant? You eat an elephant, one bite at a time. How do you change yourself? You change one habit at a time. It can be a huge habit, or a tiny one. Just as long as it moves you forward on your path to increased self-confidence.

Happy Fall!
diana

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